I have identified the following rules to change the approach:1. How fun is it to hang out with someone who only puts themselves down?
If men aren’t interested in you, it probably isn’t because you aren’t a supermodel, it is probably because they can see how you feel about yourself.
This becomes diagnostic of how invested he is in you. If he is putting so little effort into your dating relationship, what will happen once he gets comfortable? If he asks you to come to him and has no game plan, he is just looking to hook up. He will not respect you if you give it up too soon. This, however, is not to say that they like a tease.
Over the course of a relationship, your significant other will learn more about you. Because we share so much about our thoughts and emotions with each other, we tend to do this too much with men in the beginning.4. Think about it in mathematical terms, if you put in 100 percent effort, how much is left for him to give? The less effort you put in, the more he has to come forward. If he isn’t willing to invest the energy to at least come pick you up and have something planned for the evening, just say no. If he has hours to spend on the phone, he can use the effort to see you.8. When you are intimate too soon in the relationship, you are investing too much too soon.
Especially when we feel insecure, we tell people way too much about us. The feminists are going to hate me on this one, but I think “I am woman, hear me roar” has done us a disservice in the dating department. If you go to his house on the first date instead of him coming to pick you up, I have two words for you: booty call. He is not a girlfriend with whom you should spend hours on the phone. You can bet he isn’t sitting by the phone waiting for you to call. We get far too emotionally attached when sex is in a relationship, but men don’t view this the same way. They don’t even stop to consider whether or not they even like the guy. Show up, have fun and if it works out, great, if not, on to the next one.
"Always waiting for the guy to initiate contact is annoying to most men," says Harold, 35.
"At some point you need to let him know you're interested by reaching out.
It is heartbreaking to see them make the same mistakes over and over again. All too often, I see friends continually devastated by their dating experiences. Don’t give them your power by allowing yourself to feel bad. I see women who continually find men who, for whatever reason, never step up to treat them the way they deserve. I realized that it had very little to do with the men, but more to do with how the women approached dating. They were too emotionally entrenched in the experience and could not see how they were creating some of the dynamics. You will probably see a difference in how people interact with you.2. I myself was a victim of this until I recognized my part in this process and then I began dating and eventually married a man who treats me the way I deserve. Let go of the self defeating thoughts holding you back.