I often notice my husband checking out other women.
Donalyn: As wives, we need to remember that we don’t think like our men on most things.
A great first step is to have an honest conversation with your husband and attempt to discover how he thinks.
Dave: I learned early on that, like most men, I tend to be visually stimulated and thus easily drawn to notice and be enticed by feminine shapes.
I had no issues with pornography, but I needed to learn how to manage my eyes and focus on a woman’s countenance, and not on her body.
I had to treat her as a sister, and not store up sexual data that I could use mentally later.
Donalyn: This can be hard for a woman to hear, because it’s so foreign to our own thinking. But just because it’s different doesn’t mean this visual attraction is bad. In fact, it can be a very good thing – it’s probably one of the things that attracted your husband to you in the first place. Dave: You need to let him see how this is affecting you.
Rather than coming at him with guns blazing, which would push him away, open up your heart and tell him how it makes you feel when you see him looking at other women.
Donalyn: First you need to come to grips with your own feelings.
It may help to write down the emotions you experience when you notice him doing this, so you can sort through it and decide what needs to be shared with your husband. Are you uncertain about your friendship with your husband? If you have underlying insecurities, you will need to work through that even as your husband deals with his issues.