A while back, I asked my Twitter followers a simple question: @Wisdom Is Misery: if your significant other is a product of divorced parents, do you take this into consideration when dating them?
Now before I get into the general theme of the responses, I’ll share my motivation for asking the question.
I take into consideration whether my significant other’s parents have divorced.
If I’m privy to the information, I also factor in when their parents married, how long they’ve been married, and how happy they appear to be together in their marriage. For a country that spends billions of dollars following the successes and failures of celebrity couples, whom we do not know behind the manufactured headlines of entertainment magazines, it seems strange that people balk at the idea of considering the effects our own parents have had/will have on our relationships. On the other hand, Kobe’s wife leaves him and we have hundreds of blogs discussing infidelity and if women are entitled to the amount of money Vanessa Bryant acquired, even though she wasn’t The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home, and 200 percent higher risk when both of them do, says Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah and author of “Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages.” – CNN Getting back to the original question, as expected, most people didn’t want the success or failure of thier parents’ marriage to act as a prerequisite for estimating their future marital success.
None of these answers are a deal breaker but it is something I keep in the back of my mind. Also worth noting was how much more vocal children of divorce were in expressing their views on the issue.
That is fine and I understand where you’re coming from.
However, while I understand how a person whose parents divorced would not want the dissolution of their parents marriage held against them, they must also understand that they cannot dictate the terms of how other people judge them.
Many argued that their parents do not define them, and while I agree, I do believe our parents have a varying degree of influence on our future, positive or negative, whether we like it or not.
Of course we should not be punished for the sins of our parents.
But, it is our parents sins which often have the greatest influence on our own actions.
Many people use the excuse that since divorce rates are so high, they shouldn’t get married. As @Yo_Q_Crush pointed out, this excuse is not cited in other relative analogies: You don’t drop out of High School because High School dropout rates are high.